Our Identity Dilemma with Self-Development and Self-Expression
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
The Elusive Self-Image
I think it’s safe to say that Americans set the bar pretty high when it comes to being image-conscious. Americans aren’t the only ones who are image-conscious, but we may be the most obsessive about it.
This obsession with personal image seems to occupy the majority of social media. Recent research raises serious concerns about the negative, even destructive, consequences of this obsessive focus on self-image. Yet, this fixation so many have about their self-image is only a shallow reflection of a deeper issue.
The self—our individual sense of identity and personhood—is a favorite topic in American culture. There are books and courses on self-development, self-improvement, and self-expression, among many other self-oriented focuses.
This fits well with our ingrained sense of individualism as Americans. Something we’ve exported around the world. The term expressive individualism captures the obsessive yet elusive search for the true self.
This is nothing new. It’s just a new spin on it all. It may appear new the past couple of centuries, but Solomon reminds us there’s nothing new under the sun (Eccl. 1:9).
The following three verses from Proverbs 27 highlight the need for an honest and healthy sense of who each person is—our truest selves.
Scripture
As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens the wits of another.
As a face is reflected in water,
so a person is reflected by his heart.
The crucible is for refining silver and the smelter for gold,
but a person is tested by the praise given to him. (Proverbs 27:17, 19, 21 GW)
(Context— (Proverbs 27:17-27 GW)
Simple Insights
The classic figurative language used in these three verses describes what defines and shapes us. Each verse flies in the face of what our surrounding culture says about self. Perhaps these few thoughts are keys to discovering the elusive but genuine self.
Iron sharpens iron…that sounds harsh. What happens when iron strikes iron? Sparks fly with the clanging thud of metal against metal! And don’t get your fingers caught in between because that would hurt! It makes me cringe to think about it.
Who wants to be on the wrong side of conflict or confrontation? No one! Unless we seek punishment or strangely find satisfaction in it, most of us tend to avoid or resist such experiences.
But the image of iron sharpening iron is a beneficial and positive one. It speaks of valuing honesty in our relationships. The benefit of honest criticism, conflict, correction, and counsel from someone we know and trust brings accountability, balance, and perspective to our lives.
If we want genuine self-improvement that benefits others and ourselves, we need people whom we trust and appreciate in our lives because they’ll be honest with us—even when it makes us uncomfortable.
As our personhood develops as God intended—through healthy and honest relationships—our true identity will be evident to those who know us. When a person experiences an inner transformation, others will see this in their attitude and actions.
The reflection of our face on the surface of water represents how our inner being is revealed. Others see who we are on the inside by how we speak and act—whether it’s good or bad. Others notice when our words and actions agree and if the attitude of our hearts doesn’t match the expression on our faces or what we say.
The third highlighted verse reveals the real test of a person. It is not how we handle criticism, but praise from others. A person can ignore criticism and avoid conflict. But no one is indifferent to praise from others. How you handle whatever praise comes your way reveals your true self.
If we, as the saying goes, believe our own press releases and think everyone else agrees with what we think of ourselves, we set ourselves up for a fall. Do we allow the praise of others to over-inflate us with pride or resist and reject compliments and praise? Neither reaction is healthy. Both produce a false sense of identity.
If we can accept and appreciate the compliments of others and then set them aside to keep a good sense of perspective, we’ll be a healthier version of ourselves. I need people in my life who care enough about me to be honest with me. People who will tell me how things are, not how I want them to be.
I have had and now have people who keep me grounded in reality and I’m better for it. When I was pastoring on the West Coast, I met regularly with two other friends. We knew each other well and called one another out when needed. We helped keep each other grounded in reality.
How about you? Do you have people in your life who sharpen you and help you see yourself in a true perspective with things in yourself and life as they really are?
Reflection—
Our personhood will develop the way God intended through healthy and honest relationships and our true identity will be evident to those who know us. We all need people in our life who care enough about us to be honest and keep us grounded.
Prayer Focus—
When you find yourself avoiding honesty in relationships, ask the Lord to show you why. Ask God to show you how to benefit from those who care about you in an honest and healthy way.
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