How to Recover from the Bitterness of Betrayal and Broken Trust
The pain of betrayal
I’ve experienced betrayal more than once by people who said they loved and supported me. Today, many people tell of emotional and spiritual abuse they’ve experienced by the church or church leaders. When I hear this, I reflect on Susan and my experiences in ministry over the years. It hasn’t been terrible, but we’ve had some hurtful experiences.
I’m thankful for how gracious the Lord is in spite of difficult times and toxic relationships. I’ve been lied to, lied about, and even heard some people lie on my behalf for their own reasons. People have falsely accused and slandered me over the years, but the Lord’s graciousness has always been greater.
Every pastor and missionary has stories to tell of betrayal, false accusations, and personal attacks. This is nothing new, nor should it be unexpected. The Lord Jesus warned His first followers of this (John 15:18-21), as did Paul to Timothy (2 Timothy 3:12). Betrayal, in any form, is hard to accept. But thankfully, God knows what it's like to be betrayed.
The first time it happened is when Adam and Eve chose to believe a lie rather than trust in God (Genesis 3:4-6). Later, when the Father sent His Son to redeem and restore the relationship lost in the Garden of Eden with all humanity, Jesus was betrayed by one of His closest followers.
We all get disappointed by people and we disappoint others. But betrayal goes deeper. It's a matter of broken trust. When we experience disappointment, unmet expectations, disloyalty, unfaithfulness, or betrayal, it's hard to trust again.
How can we restore trust again? This can be risky and lead to even more disappointment or feelings of betrayal. But in this psalm, David reminds us how we can begin to trust others again.
Scripture
For the choir director; on stringed instruments; a maskil by David.
Open your ears to my prayer, O God. Do not hide from my plea for mercy. Pay attention to me, and answer me.
My thoughts are restless, and I am confused because my enemy shouts at me and a wicked person persecutes me.
They bring misery crashing down on me, and they attack me out of anger.
My heart is in turmoil. The terrors of death have seized me. Fear and trembling have overcome me. Horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, “If only I had wings like a dove— I would fly away and find rest. Indeed, I would run far away. I would stay in the desert. Selah [vss 1-7]
If an enemy had insulted me, then I could bear it. If someone who hated me had attacked me, then I could hide from him.
But it is you, my equal, my best friend, one I knew so well!
We used to talk to each other in complete confidence and walk into God’s house with the festival crowds. [vss 12-14]
⌊My best friend⌋ has betrayed his friends. He has broken his solemn promise.
His speech is smoother than butter, but there is war in his heart. His words are more soothing than oil, but they are like swords ready to attack.
Turn your burdens over to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will never let the righteous person stumble.
But you, O God, will throw ⌊wicked people⌋ into the deepest pit. Bloodthirsty and deceitful people will not live out half their days.
But I will trust you. [vss 20-23]
(Psalm 55:1-7, 12-14,20-23 GW) [context– Psalm 55]
Reflections and Insights
The first, most important step in restoring trust is to reaffirm our trust in God—the only one who is always faithful and always trustworthy. This is the foundation for trusting others. Trust in God—gut-level, honest trust—provides a secure reference point for trusting others.
Although each one of us will disappoint one another at various times and in various ways, God is our Rock. He is faithful. His trustworthiness is unshakeable because He is our Rock.
A second step to restoring trust is to be honest with God about your feelings, especially when you feel betrayed or experience genuine betrayal. We need to lay this hurt at His feet through prayer and leave it there. We need to trust Him with it and for Him to deal with it and whoever betrays us.
Before we extend trust in any type of commitment, we need to pray. We need to ask God for His guidance, and ask Him to give us discernment and wisdom (James 1:5). This is what we see David do throughout the Psalms. He opens his heart before God in prayer and worship and fully surrenders his life to God.
Our prime example is Jesus. Many times the Lord has reminded me of how He handled betrayal and false accusations, as expressed by the apostle Peter—
“He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. (1 Pet 2:22-23 NIV)
This is what we can do to restore trust after we are betrayed or falsely accused or had our trust broken in some way. We can express our grief and grievances to the Lord in prayer and worship Him. He is the Lord. He knows from experience what we are feeling.
Then we trust all judgment and restoration to Him. We put it in His hands and leave it there.
Reflection—
Have you been or felt betrayed? Lay this hurt at the Lord's feet and trust in Him. After an experience of betrayal or broken trust, we need to affirm or reaffirm our trust in the Lord. We do this in prayer and through worship.
Prayer Focus—
Once you trust the Lord with your hurt, leave it with Him, and don’t take it back. Trust God in a simple, childlike way by following the Lord Jesus’ example. You may need to continue doing this until you have an assurance in your heart of genuinely trusting it all to God.
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