The Valuable Ability of Separating Truth From Emotion
A Dilemma
I’ve been on the wrong side of criticism many times. By wrong side, I mean the one who is criticizing. I’ve also received some harsh criticism. Sometimes the criticism was fair, while at other times, it was misdirected or undeserved.
I expect this may be true for many of us. Some of us, like myself, tend to be more critical than others, but we all receive some criticism. The dilemma we face is when it is true. It still hurts to hear it, but we are better off when we separate the truth of what someone says from how they say it.
It's hard to separate truth from emotion—whether it’s the emotion of one who speaks the truth or the feelings of the hearer of truth. Our tendency is to react rather than listen and consider what we hear before responding.
Too often, we allow our emotions to drive us. But emotions cloud and even corrupt how we hear or say things. And so, the meaning or intention of what’s said is obscured or filtered through the emotions of the speaker, the hearer, or both.
The ability to separate emotion from words of truth is a valuable quality. Discernment and discretion are needed to gain this ability. The primary goal of the book of Proverbs, as made clear in the beginning (Prov 1:1-7), is to help individuals acquire this ability.
Scripture
Anger is cruel, and fury is overwhelming,
but who can survive jealousy?
Open criticism is better than unexpressed love.
Wounds made by a friend are intended to help,
but an enemy’s kisses are too much to bear. (Proverbs 27:4-6 GW)
(Context—Proverbs 27:1-16 GW)
Simple Insights
The first verse of these selected verses in Chapter 27 gives us a sense of why emotions cloud our understanding of what others say. Words spoken in anger have an intent to hurt, put down, or belittle a person. The phrase—in their fury, they lashed out in anger—describes the cruel intent of words spoken in anger—like the snap of a whip slicing the skin.
Fury is an out-of-control anger—unrestrained, like a flood of water or a raging fire. But jealousy is an irrational and untamed emotion—a combination of hate and love. Jealousy is destructive, which prompts the question—who can survive jealousy?
It destroys any relationship with its impact on both the jealous person and the one who’s the focus of the jealousy. As one person put it—jealousy [is] jaundice of the soul. Jealousy is like a disease with trust and truth as its only cure.
Understanding the impact and power emotion has on words spoken and heard helps give insight for the other two verses—5-6.
You might wonder—How can open criticism be better than unexpressed love? One simple observation is the former is known while the latter is hidden. But it’s deeper than that. We often leave love unexpressed because of fear or indifference. There may be other reasons for love to remain unexpressed, but it’s still an unknown truth.
Criticism—even when it comes across harshly—is more or less an observation. As a pastor, I’ve heard plenty of criticism over the years. It goes with the work and position of ministry. People often expressed it without intending it as beneficial. However, they still voiced it.
I had to learn to hear it objectively. As the expression goes—chew the meat and spit out the bones. It’s hard to extract the truth from criticism, a rebuke, or a reprimand unless it’s detached from emotions.
Although it’s hard to do, don’t take it all to heart. If we can learn from criticism and correction, we’ll gain insight and wisdom. If we can’t, we lose an opportunity to grow beyond self—beyond self-focus, selfishness, self-pity, and so on.
This is especially true when it comes from someone close to us, as it says in verse 6—Wounds made by a friend are intended to help.
The last two phrases of verse 6 bring Jesus to mind for me. Reading through the gospels, it’s hard not to notice Jesus used some strong words with His followers. They get rebuked and reprimanded for spiritual dullness (Matt 15:16) and for missing the point or the greater concern (Matt 16:8-12; Mark 10:13-16).
Jesus knew all too well about the second half of the last verse when Judas betrayed Him with a kiss. Betrayal is similar to jealousy because it’s insidious. It’s indefensible. Not only is betrayal cowardly, but a person can’t defend themselves or prevent it because it’s secretive and underhanded.
Except Jesus. Jesus knew He would be betrayed and knew His betrayer. He even washed His betrayer’s feet the night He was betrayed. Once again, Jesus shows us He can relate to everything we experience in this life—even flattery and betrayal.
It’s a valuable ability to separate truth from emotion, just as Jesus did.
Reflection—
It’s a valuable ability to separate truth from emotion. We need wisdom, self-control, discernment, and discretion not to be ruled by our feelings or someone else’s. The wisdom of Proverbs can be helpful and valuable to gain these qualities and gain this valuable ability.
Prayer Focus—
When you find it difficult to hear criticism or correction, ask God to help you sift through what someone says, without your emotions or the other person’s emotions clouding what may be helpful insights. Remember, the Lord knows what it’s like to be criticized and betrayed. Trust in Him.
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