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Two people are better than one because ⌊together⌋ they have a good reward for their hard work. If one falls, the other can help his friend get up. But how tragic it is for the one who is ⌊all⌋ alone when he falls. There is no one to help him get up. (Eccl 4:9-10 GW) [context– Eccl 4:7-12]
The value of relationships
We were made for relationship. We—all humanity—are at our best when we have healthy connections with other people. When we speak of humanity as a whole, it is in a collective sense rather than an individualistic identity.
In America, we champion individualism and honor people whose individual accomplishments are greater than others. We call them VIPs—very important persons—and MVPs—most valuable persons or players.
But the founding fathers of America saw the need for a more collective identity as a new nation. They saw the need for the thirteen separate colonies (states) to come together to form “a more perfect union.”
America, as with any other nation, is stronger when united. This is echoed by the phrase—united we stand, divided we fall. This was true when America was founded, during its great Civil War, and was a rallying cry for the nation during WWII.
This is not an American declaration, it’s been spoken in many places by many people. It’s a simple encouragement for the value of a collective sense of relationship over individualism.
While western culture tends to value individual identity and rights, most of the world values the collective identity of a group or community over individualism.
But loneliness knows no cultural or national boundaries. Every person needs others. As said before, we are often at our best when in partnership with others.
When our family moved overseas, we needed to adjust to an Asian culture from a western one. We learned how important relationships were in day-to-day life and the importance of the group or community over individual freedom, identity, and rights.
After fifteen years overseas, we moved back to the US to a new place where our two sons lived. Initially, we struggled to adjust to our home culture because we missed the strong and dear relationships we developed within the community of our church fellowship and ministry work.
Once again, we realized the importance and value of personal relationships.
Insights
Solomon tells us one more thing he sees as, “pointless under the sun”—“people who are all alone.” People who don’t have children or family— those who care for them and whom they care for. And he indicates this is more by choice than circumstance—
…there is no end to all the hard work they have to do. Their eyes are never satisfied with riches. But ⌊they never ask themselves⌋ why they are working so hard and depriving themselves of good things. (Eccl 4:8 GW)
As a pastor, I encountered many people in various life situations. I encouraged and prayed for many couples who couldn’t have children of their own and singles who wanted spouses.
This is hard to reconcile when some parents are selfish and irresponsible with their children and when selfishness destroys a marriage bond. But often, it’s less about circumstance and more about choosing self over others.
Careers and wealth will never be enough without meaningful relationships, as is true for any selfish pursuit.
So, what’s the remedy for loneliness?
The remedy is to build and develop healthy relationships including friends, partnerships, and finding a place in a community. Now more than ever this is true.
Verses 9-12 are often viewed with marriage and family in mind, especially the line, “…a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” But the context indicates an even broader application (Eccl 4:9-12).
Here’s a brief look at how “two people are better than one”—
“a good reward for their work”— As the saying goes, many hands make light work, and it’s often more enjoyable to work alongside another person for a common purpose.
“If one falls, the other can help his friend get up.”— God’s plan for the first man and woman was for them to be partners in life. Friendships and partnerships can benefit us in many ways, especially when we need encouragement or help. We can pick each other up in both figurative and literal ways.
“two people…together…can keep warm, but how can one person keep warm?”— Here is a picture of how we can comfort and understand each other in a time of need rather than isolating ourselves when we are in a place of hurt or rejection. We all need comfort, reassurance, and understanding at times.
“…two people can resist one opponent.”— The obvious idea here is of protection and strength in numbers. Again, divided we fall but united we stand.
“A triple-braided rope (threefold cord) is not easily broken.”— This is often used at weddings to illustrate how God is an important part of the union of husband and wife. It can also apply to a family or community. Aside from the spiritual aspect, it’s also a picture of teamwork.
How can these insights apply to our own lives?
Existential Reflections
When God first created man, man was alone. God saw this wasn’t good and created the woman as a companion and partner in life. This is the basis for the nuclear family but also for a larger community. (Gen 2:19-20).
God never intended for any person to be alone, whether in relation to a family or inclusion within a community.
Relationships are the foundation for all humanity.
This is the model for the church—the Body of Christ and the Bride of Christ. It isn’t one or the other but both. Collectively, the church is the Bride of Christ (1 Cor 11:2; Rev 21:2, 9).
One believer isn’t a church unto themself. As Jesus said, “Where two or three have come together in my name, I am there among them.” (Matt 18:20 GW)
Loneliness is often the result of continued choices to separate ourselves from others for some reason or another. It may be our reaction to abuse, insults, hurts, or rejection. These may be reasonable at the time and for a while. But they may also be overreactions on our part.
Choosing to withdraw from others as a means of self-protection may be wise for a time but it can become a habit. Isolation can also be our preference for resolving conflicts and other difficulties.
But as Solomon points out, isolation won’t benefit us in the long run.
How do we resolve the problem of isolation and loneliness?
We need to pursue relationships with others. Preferably healthy ones! This may include marriage and family but isn’t limited to those relationships. We all benefit from good relationships.
We were made for relationships—with other people and with our Creator.
Life experience and psychologists affirm the value of personal relationships and confirm the harmful impact of loneliness. Loneliness has a negative effect on our health and well-being—emotionally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually.
The remedy for isolation and loneliness is to be connected with others. But building and developing relationships requires a willingness on our part to not be the center of our own universe.
As the apostle Paul said—
Don’t act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves. Don’t be concerned only about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others. (Phil 2:3-4 GW)
Of course, Jesus is the prime example and authority for us as believers. If we are to be His followers and have a continuing relationship with Him, we need to deny and die to our selfish ways.
Do you struggle with loneliness?
Do you tend to isolate yourself or seek comfort and encouragement from others?
Do you have healthy relationships with friends and family?
God’s original design and intent for each of us is to be connected with others in healthy relationships. This requires us to look beyond ourselves and trust in God to build relationships based on trust.
This is an excerpt from my newest book available on Amazon! Glimmers of Light in the Darkness of Life
The Scripture text for this devotional study can be found by clicking the blue button link– “Ecclesiastes Chap 4” [I’ve used God’s Word Translation (GW) for ease of reading but the button link will take you to the text in a parallel version with the NKJV text.]
Also, for further commentary, I recommend Enduring Word by Ptr David Guzik.
