How to Find a Life Partner
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
What’s a Person to Do?
The search for a life partner is a universal and enduring one through the ages. I suppose it began when God saw Adam’s need for a companion who would complement and fit him for life—
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (2:18 NLT)
Based on this verse you could say—“It’s God’s plan and His will for everyone to have a marriage partner in life.” You could say this and many people have, but it’s not always the case.
Some people are better off or choose to be single—the Bible speaks to this also (1 Cor 7:8-38). You could also be a man looking for a wife in China where there are about 31 million more men than women.
However, not everyone is looking for a life partner, they just want someone to be with for a while. As they say, “There’s an app—or two or three—for that.” Several online resources exist solely for help to find a companion to share life with—whether for the first time or another hoped-for-go at marriage.
Arranged marriages are another option still in play for much of the world though not so much in America. Stories abound of arranged relationships and marriage—some good, some horrible, and some just ok.
What’s the key to seeking the right or best soul mate or life partner for you? What criteria should you go by? Is it just a matter of chance, fate, or kismet, or is it a matter of prayer and the right timing?
It’s no secret people choose partners for the wrong reasons or don’t know how to develop a healthy marriage once they make their choice. Too often, what attracts people at first later repels them. So, what should you look for when seeking a life partner?
The answer isn’t a simple method or process or checklist, but the majority of this last chapter in Proverbs is intended to be a guide. Not just for a man to find a wife, but also for what a woman should desire and expect from a husband.
I’m thankful for my wife. She’s been my partner in life and ministry for more than 50 years. We met while each of us was on a search for God. The Lord knew exactly who would be right for me, and I’m thankful for her and our partnership all these years.
Scripture
Who can find a wife with a strong character? She is worth far more than jewels.
Her husband trusts her with all his heart, and he does not lack anything good.
She helps him and never harms him all the days of her life.
(Proverbs 31:10-12 GW) (Context— (Proverbs 31:10-31 GW)
Some Helpful Things to Note
Before diving into an answer for how to seek a life partner, here are some helpful things to know about Proverbs 31:10-31—
There are 22 verses written as an acrostic—each verse begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet. One could view this as the “ABCs” for what to look for in a life partner.
This portion of the text has many subtitles in different versions—The Virtuous Wife, The Ideal Wife, The Woman Who Fears the Lord, The Wife of Noble Character, and so on.
This is not a checklist of expectations a man should look for or require of a woman as his wife—many a marriage has been rocked or ruined by seeing it as such.
This was advice given to a king (Lemuel) by his mother for this reason—
Charm is deceptive, and beauty evaporates, but a woman who has the fear of the Lord should be praised. (Prov 31:30 GW)
A simple key
A simple key to finding a marriage partner for life is to know a person’s character. Notice I didn’t make this a one-way focus. A person’s character is essential to consider for a man and a woman when seeking a life partner.
There’s bound to be difficulty and unmet expectations when anyone chooses a partner based on personality or appearance. Idealistic expectations undermine any relationship, especially a lifetime commitment in marriage.
A word to women. If a man doesn’t respect and value you for who you are as a person—you should wait for a better man.
Who would qualify as a better man? A man with similar qualities of character as noted in these verses and a man who wants to be a partner in life with you for life.
God’s design and intention for marriage was to be a partnership. A mutual, beneficial, and fulfilling relationship where each person values the other as their equal, their partner in life.
When other things like appearance or personality (external qualities) become a priority over character (a person’s internal nature), unmet expectations and unnecessary problems are bound to come.
An enduring and healthy marriage has its difficulties because it’s a union of two persons poured into one relationship—a unified identity as life partners (Gen 2:24). It requires valuing internal qualities in a person over external ones.
Here are signs of a healthy partnership in marriage—
Her husband trusts her with all his heart… She helps him and never harms him all the days of her life. (verses 11-12)
If you’re seeking a life partner, be wise in doing so. These 22 verses can be a helpful guide, but make sure it’s a guide for knowing a person’s character rather than a checklist of unrealistic expectations.
Reflection—
God designed marriage as a partnership—a mutual, beneficial, and fulfilling relationship where each person values the other as their equal—their life partner.
Prayer Focus—
If you’re seeking to find a life partner, ask God for guidance, discernment, and wisdom in doing so. Ask the Lord’s help to guard your heart from making emotional and foolish commitments, and for help to see and make a person’s internal qualities your priority.
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