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“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matt 5:31-32 NIV84) [see these verses in their context below]
Marriage and divorce
Divorce has become commonplace. In fact, it’s given rise to a slew of attorneys who specialize in it. Over the years, laws were created to provide some protections for spouses and children experiencing divorce.
But the impact of divorce on people, family circles, and society extends far beyond any legal attempt to mitigate the consequences of divorce. The act and concept of divorce is not a new phenomenon and it is far more than a legal transaction.
Of course, some people try to avoid the possibility and problem of divorce by foregoing marriage in a formal or legal sense by living together in a marriage-like relationship. But this only avoids the legal aspect of divorce not the reality of it.
Several studies and reports exist which look at the problems of having many sexual partners and broken relationships. Aside from the obvious emotional fallout from a divorce, including legal and financial impacts, when any long-term relationship ends it has a ripple effect throughout a person’s life and other relationships.
The accumulated experiences we have with previous relationships get dragged into future relationships whether we realize it or not. We bring our emotional baggage with us no matter who we’re with or where we go.
Divorce is never a solution, it’s a dissolution—dissolving the bond of a relationship and union of two people.
God says, “I hate divorce,” through the prophet Malachi (Mal 2:16 GW). Why does God hate divorce? It’s destructive. It’s the tearing apart of a union (Mal 2:15). It’s a breaking of faith and trust.
For God, divorce is not a legal issue but a relational one.
Insights
When a spouse dies, memories of them live on though they’re no longer physically present. But when spouses divorce, the relationship may die but each person lives on. Every encounter with a divorced spouse is a reminder of a failed relationship, regardless of why it ended.
The children of divorce go through their own confusing process of grieving the loss of the relationship. This struggle is real and impacts them for years. Although this is documented in studies and reports, I’ve seen this firsthand in families I’ve known who’ve endured divorce.
Even those who don’t divorce in a legal sense still contend with feelings of loss from a broken relationship, especially when they see their former partner with someone else.
We need to understand the marriage relationship at its point of origin to understand the disruptive and destructive effects of divorce.
Marriage—in its original sense in the Bible—was the union of a man and woman consummated or completed with their physical union (Gen 2:24-25). This union bonded them together as partners in life as one flesh.
The apostle Paul spoke about this to the believers in Corinth whose culture was steeped in immorality and idolatry when he said—
Don’t you realize that the person who unites himself with a prostitute becomes one body with her? God says, “The two will be one.” (1 Cor 6:16 GW)
Paul says this in the context of considering whatever may be permissible is not beneficial (1 Cor 6:12-15). So, whoever is a believer with God’s Spirit living in them, every time they join themselves to another person in a physical and sexual way, they bring God into it.
Redefining and Fulfilling God’s Law
What Jesus does in redefining the Law related to divorce is to close the loophole created through centuries of reinterpretation of the Law by various rabbis and scribes.
Jesus refers to the Law given in Deuteronomy where a provision was made for divorce if a husband found something “indecent” or “some uncleanness in her” (Deut 24:1-4). This Law also said the husband can’t take the woman back as his wife after he divorces her.
Later in the gospel of Matthew, when Jewish leaders press Jesus further about their supposed “legal right” to divorce, here’s what Jesus tells them—
“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. (Matt 19:8 NIV 84) [see in context— Matt 19:3-9 and footnote below]
The various interpretations of rabbis and other experts in the Law changed the meaning of “some uncleanness“ (Deut 24:1) to include many reasons, even burning the husband’s dinner. [see footnote below] They created a loophole in the Law to accommodate their own preferences (Matt 19:3).
Let’s be honest. All of us look for ways to circumvent or interpret laws and rules so they won’t get in the way of what we want to do.
This might include telling white lies or being less than forthright with the truth, not paying for something because we think it’s owed to us or because everyone does it, or exceeding the speed limit as driving with the flow of traffic. We can justify anything as okay or right and often do.
Jesus closes the divorce loophole when He redefines the Law back to God’s original intent—to protect the bond and sanctity of the marriage union where the two become one flesh (Gen 2:24).
Jesus makes it clear—the only valid reason for breaking the bond of marriage with a divorce is for infidelity.
This doesn’t sit well with many in our present culture. It didn’t sit well in Jesus’ day either.
It’s easy to get caught up in debates about how this doesn’t fit our cultural norms today or to come up with other reasons why divorce is needed. Plenty of cultural, legal, and personal loopholes exist.
But the point Jesus was making is this—the marriage relationship is a bond, a commitment or covenant between a husband and wife intended to be a partnership for life. Through all phases of life.
It is a union of two lives as one—the two shall become one flesh (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:5; Mark 10:7; 1 Cor 6:16). When this union is broken, there are enduring and far-reaching consequences.
Adultery, divorces, and remarriages will continue to happen.
Yes, the grace and forgiveness of God and His mercy are greater than our failures and weaknesses. But the consequences and impacts of breaking the bond of marriage are broad.
God hates divorce because it breaks a bond—a union—that is never fully dissolved. His blessing is found in faithfulness—to Him and one another.
Reflection—
The marriage relationship is a bond—a commitment or covenant between a husband and wife intended to be a partnership for life. Divorce is destructive no matter how justified or necessary it may seem. And God’s mercy and grace is available to all who seek it and seek the Lord.
Prayer Focus—
If you’ve endured the consequences of divorce, ask the Lord for His guidance and restoration. If you are struggling in a current marriage relationship, ask the Lord for a renewal of the relationship in both yours and your spouse’s hearts.
Devo Scripture Text
“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.
I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca, ’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.”
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”
“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”
(Matthew 5:17-32 NIV84)
Footnotes— I’ve included these for anyone who’d like to study this further.
Enduring Word commentary for Chap 5 (scroll down to relevant verses)